The Synopsis

As promised, here is the chapter-by-chapter breakdown of Hovinds "thesis".  Hovind claims to have something like 11 chapters in his thesis, but in reality it has only 4 clearly demarked sections.  Five if you count the dedication page, and six if you assume his last paragraph is a chapter.

Chapter 1: Introduction

• Hovind tells us who he is - he starts by saying 'Hello, my name is Kent Hovind'
• Hovind wants to bring us back to the "true faith"
• Satan is attacking the world

Chapter 2: History of Evolution

• Evolution is a crazy idea
• The laws of physics say it can't happen
• Evolution is a religion
• Small changes are possible, big ones aren't
• Evolutions history starts with the fall of satan
• In ancient Greece evolution was formed (evolution is all science, btw)
• In ancient Greece atheists were formed, and they carried the flame of evolution forward
• Most non-Christian religions are atheistic beliefs
• During the middle ages there were men who were atheists.  They wrote books - evil books.  Many were French.
  
• 20-some pages in we get to Darwin- or at least his father.  His father was an evil, FAT, atheist
• Lamarck, Lyell and Darwin were all evil, immoral atheists.  They made up evolution because they hate god.
• Darwin only gets a 1 paragraph description in this 30-page chapter on the history of evolution!
• Marx invented communism.  He was evil, atheistic evolutionist

 I'd carry on, but you see where this goes.  Every individual who may have been an atheist was also immoral, evil and a promoter of evolution.

Chapter 3: The religion of evolution

• There is no empirical evidence for evolution
• Schools are bad
• Religion has not evolved
• Taking prayer out of school is bad
• Scopes trial was evil
• We should either teach evolution and creationism, or neither
• Websters dictionary says that religions have divine creators, ergo evolution is a religion
• Evolution is the same as humanism, and humanism is a religion therefore evolution is a religion
• Humanist manifesto (a book I've never heard of) outlines evolutions desire to take over the world
• No missing links have ever been found
• Evolution is a religion

Chapter 4: How Old is the Earth

• This is an important question
• God is not limited by time
• What time is it in heaven?
• Scientists have hundreds of ways of measuring the age of the earth
• The methods scientists use are wrong
• The earth is young because of:
• comets
• helium
• the earths spin is slowing down
• the moon is receding
  
• science is silly
  
• I think the earth is about 6,000 years old, therefore it is

"Chapter 5" Conclusions
OK, this is one paragraph.  It reads:

These honest questions deserve honest answers.  I believe we have been lied to about the age of the earth.  Satan, the father of all lies, has come up with this to make a fool of Jesus Christ.  Jesus said in Matthew 19:4 that the creation of Adam and Eve was the beginning.  I believe Jesus was right.

So there you have it, to summarise:

1. Evolution was created by Satan after the fall
2. Evolution is a religion
   
3. Atheists have carried the flame of evolution throughout the ages
4. Atheists are fat, immoral, evil, and most likely French.  If they're not French, they're fucking someone who is.
   
5. The earth isn't old
6. Jesus said...something
7. Creationism wins! YAYYYYYYYYYY!