My advice for conferecees

So it conference season again, and I feel that I should share what little wisdom I have with those who happen to stop by my blog.  I originally wrote this to a  grad student, so its student-orientated.  None-the-less, here's my rules for surviving a scientific meeting.

1) Expect to drink a lot, and plan ahead. Make sure the nights before important days you don't over-indulge. If a day looks particularly boring, chances are it'll be a good day to nurse a hang-over.

2) Look closely at the schedule. Quite often there are sessions which are boring, have nothing to do with you, and represent nothing more then a waste of your time. Those are good sessions to skip, and go do some sight-seeing, shopping, touristy stuff, kayaking, rock climbing, etc. 

3) Expect to be constantly tired after the second or third day. Between them, the booze, excessive eating, lack of sleep, and long sessions will kick your ass. Coffee (or other stimulant) is your friend. So is napping through the boring talks. 

4) Don't feel obliged to hang out with your supervisor or lab mates. If they're not being fun, attach yourself to another group. Aside from networking (i.e. making friends) this'll also give you the advantage of hearing what people are really doing, rather than the brief (and sometimes misleading) versions you'll get in talks and posters. Of course, if your prof is a party animal, it is your sworn duty to rescue students who have stick-in-the-mud supervisors. Generally speaking, the larger and rowdier the group, the better. 

5) You can stay longer if you like, depending on if there is anything you want to do outside of the conference. This is an esecially good idea of you're off-contenent. In the case of New Hampshire, show up late and leave early.  There may be other "New Hampshires" out there - be aware. 

6) Some conferences have tours.  Some times they really suck, sometimes they're really 
fun. Best bet - get the details when you arrive and decide from there. You can also often ask the organizers how many students/postdocs are signed up: more = better. If its just profs/spouses, it'll probably blow chunks. 

7) Don't be afraid to ask questions. No matter how dumb you may think the question is, chances are that at least half the audience is as confused as you are.  

8) Don't be shy about tracking down speakers after their talk, if you want more details. Most are quite open to talking (some are hard to shut up). Plus, you have the advantage of getting them to know your face/name; something that may help when you're looking for your next position. 

9) This is the hard part, but let your inner nerd free. Conferences are one of the few places where you can do this, get away with it, and actually end up looking good. 

10) Some people use confernces as a place to hook up. If that's your thing, clean up. If not, beware of the romeos sure to emerge from behind the coke-bottle glasses facade.